the entry which should not be posted

I deliberated for a long time before I decide to pen this entry. Mostly because I am too confused myself to know if I can put my thoughts in any resemblance of order.

Firstly, I didn’t expect him to msn me last night and I was quite stunted. I am surprised (still not sure if it is the good kind or the bad kind) that he still reads my blog. Even though, I no longer write for him (like I do in the past).

When he left, my solar system lost its sun and the rest of the planets have floundered trying to balance and find their place. They have not found one that they are comfortable with yet but… they try really hard.

I guess, he aspired to be more, and a mere sun in my universe wasn’t enough for him. Everyone looks for different things in life. And all I can say now is that we had different wants. I wish for the best, may the road rise up his every step, and that his skies are clear, but above all all these, I wish for him- love.

Anyway, today at work… it was a trying day. I was grilled during lunch, man the questions are tough.. hahaha… I know that no matter how I answer I will shoot myself in my feet.. so I kept to white lies and silences.. hahaha.. (I wonder if anyone will come to me and demand for the truth… hahaha)

Then, I had a horrid car ride, it was so terrible. In the beginning, it was tensed, then it got down-right crazy…. I tell you! You would never have tot the driver could be so… SO… just, just SO! (hands in air… waving madly) but I think… I made him happy or at least happier… which is good… in fact very good because at first.. he seems upset. no one should be too unhappy… it hurts others beside the person, you know? If you are happy, people around you tend to feel good vibes from you and that will cheer them up… (here is me… someone who can get really depressed, saying this… sheesh…. who is going to believe me eh?)

But still… to make him LOL, cost me a lot man.. hahaha… made me so agitated. My blood was pumping a gallon a min… haha… and according to him, my face was flushed.. my voice was raised… and I had to take a lozenge for my sore throat and the entire way back home to calm down… haha… yes man.. it sure was something to remember…

Anyway, I have 1 month.