Pride & Prejudice

Mr Darcy

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun." -When asked by Elizabeth on when he first knew he loved her.

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." -Mr Darcy to Elizabeth

"Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."

Elizabeth Bennet

"I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me." -Elizabeth to Lady Catherine, when the latter spoke to her regarding Mr Darcy's intentions towards Elizabeth and what Elizabeth's answer would be.

"How despicably have I acted!' she cried. - 'I, who have prided myself on my discernment! - I, who have valued myself on my abilities!" - After reading Mr Darcy's letter

"I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine." - Talking about Mr Darcy

Every disposition of the ground was good; and she looked on the whole scene, the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it. -When she first saw Pemberley.

Jane Bennet

"It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does."

Mary Bennet

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

from my hp's note function 6

my friends, my thoughts are so confused... my heart so unsure... but be assured that i am trying to make sense of what you have shared with me. i hope, you will find it in your hearts and minds to understand my situation... my difficulties... my worries and concerns. and i pray, that you see my innocence and lack of bad intentions. how i wish... you could see into me... and see that i meant no harm, to anyone.

but now... i simply feel ill... feel queasy... maybe it was because lunch was bad, but more likely it is because the lunch conversation is disturbing. (deep breath)

i wont blog about my problems for now... not before i got it sort out at least... but please be patient with me...

here is some stuff i wrote in my hp's note function:

25th June - Have u seen it? the orange tip of the moon?

12th June - The heart of the sun. The heart of the son.

8th June - A stranger to early morning breakfast of buttered bread n milo. i was delightfully charmed by the locals at my neighbouring tables. a circle of vivacious old ladies sharing about their weekend adventure, old couples going about their morning date. man of middle ages indulging in smoke and kopiO. Their eyes lost in the glory of years past.

Photos of Aussie Trip 3 (me)

photograph #24 - A poem

a favorite book,
the photo album
has seen better days.
yet unmistakable it is
the loving care it receives
from tender human hands.

pages as days
maintaining the memories
of the time past and spent.
capturing faces of smiles and tears,
in dark black and white
and even multi-color.

dog-eared and folded
is a well flipped page
and in the centre-
the Mona Lisa of
a photograph
titled "A Perfect Day"

it is smallish
and fuzzy
blurry and faint
a dreamy quality
from watercolor painting
using a very light hand

off centre is
an image of 2
people frozen in
mid-stride and mid smile
against the backdrop
of a spray of warm rain.

clearly of certain
sentimental value
this photo is-
of 2 friends
which made eachother's day
perfect in every way

by me

not cute at all

my faults are many, and included in the long list is clumsiness and carelessness.
They seem harmless enough... but when they come into contact with the human heart... the flunk out big time.

the grace i want to be

i have always secretly wish to be one of those tough cookie... those wonder women who dont easily shed tears... whose heart are not as soft... that is not to say that they are cold hearted or hard hearted... just that they are more, more strong...

i know i am not like that... i cry easily... feel too much for others... even for silly stuff like stories... how many times have i cried of a story book? over movies? even those shows on tv can make me cry... does it really mean that im week? that i am a big softy? haiz... i dun wan to be like that... i wan to be some really strong, independent, tough woman!

lol, i know this must sound a little crazy... but can i choose to be this other grace instead? and how do i go about it? how come the kind of person i want to be is so different from who i really am? i know i have my plus points too... but still... i rather be Wonder Woman...

updates & June babies- Nuan & Ivan

Happy birthday to Zhou Shu Nuan and Ivan Tan Yao Ming!!!! May both of you be happy and healthy all the time... and for life to shower you with super loads of blessings!!!

Elaine's new blog address is updated!

Thanks to JLT for my belated bday gift!!! Can i tell you gals, how much i love the CK watch?!!! haha.... it is black and classy!!! droolz

Actmens will be visiting http://www.davincithegenius.com/ on 27th June!!!! YEAH!

Got Sims3!!!!! cant play yet though...

Uploaded pics for today's gathering on facebook.

Shihui! must promise to call me some time k? and we can go out!!!! big big hug!

stars

have you ever lament that the stars are too bright?
could you ever, say to a star, not to shine so brightly?
because, what do stars do? but shine?

but woe to those, who because of the stars' light lost their way, got misled, got waylaid. and sad are the stars for they watch from their high perch, unable to help in anyway.

it has always been for man to interpret the stars, and the stars to be interpreted.

Guys, meet Cherie!

How do you break the news to your sleeping partnerS that they have to make room for another new addition? gosh.... i dread it... but i have to... painful i know...

Well, i began by placing Cherie on the edge of the bed lightly in a very casual manner... and after some time, when Lindsey and Claire are not watching, shift Cherie a little closer to the center.. a little closer.. a bit more.. and finally...

i squeeze Cherie between Lindsey and Claire! phew... luckily, Lindsey and Claire didnt complain much about having to share my bed... hm... they didnt say anything at all!

but still, "guys, meet Cherie!"

hahahaha... hahahaha... lame... i know. nitez!

Photos of Aussie Trip 2

All products shown are original 3M Post-it brand.

Photos of Aussie Trip 1

Sponsored by 3M PTL and Command. haha

sucking the romance out of me

dad pass me a letter that was addressed to me at dinner time.
a plain white nobody, except for the words- On Government Service.
i was puzzled, these letters are never meant for me, for my brothers maybe.
but the Government could wait, it was first come first serve, and my stomach had already began dinner.
after dinner, i approach the letter gingerly, thinking maybe it was a bomb of sorts.
and it was.
seems to me, i need some help in getting a boyfriend.
seems to me, the Government couldnt wait to step in... geez wheez...
seems to me, getting a boyfriend, married, have kids.. is all part of a plan.
just that it wasnt as much as my plan... as the Government's plan...
haiz... that just sux... makes me feel so NOT want to get a boyfriend, married, have kids.
fortunately or un-fortunately.. dad scoff at the letter... that just makes me want to give him something nice this Papa day.

what i have been up to these days

4popcorns!

3.5popcorns

3popcorns

fear irrationally

a smart man fears rationally, a dumb one- irrationally. Guess which category i fall into (self-deprecating smile)?
i remember when i was around 20, i was waiting for my frens at a shopping mall, we split up to do our own stuff and was supposed to meet up again... but they were no where to be found... i called and called or i must have not have my hp with me... i end up tearing in the middle of the shopping mall.. when they finally showed up... i am a pathetic creature like tat... so old already still behave like tat. haiz. unlike a child, who really dont know.. i cant plead that case, can i? i should have trusted the people around me to come back for me... trusted in my own capability to find them even... but, that really isnt the problem... rationally, yes i could do all that... but irrationally, i fear being left behind... i fear that feeling. as if i was forgotten.

Death, God & Dream

Death, she beckons with one of her pale hands, the one circled by numerous bracelets- thick and thin. she smiles warmly and openly like a true friend (there till and esp. at the end). and beside her, God. and He smiles as warmly and openly and together they welcome me into their arms, and whisper in my ears "Grace, you have come home". and i am at peace.

and if that is not a possibility now.... i know Dream, he can arrange something for me.

when shopping became retail therapy

some days are SO bad... you need a little help to lighten the mood and lighten your pocket... most days.. before u hit the first store... your mood already lighten a little.. but today is not one such day. today i hit 2 stores.. spent over $80 on sportswear i dun noe when i will use... and best of all, still feel shity... big big sigh. skip dinner cause i have no appetite... skip half a cup of good bubble tea because it lost it deliciousness mid-way, skip 4 laps of my walk... because... well just because... simply NO mood. big big sigh again...

... you can stop here ...

God? are you there? can you tell me what wrong with me? why am i being so stubborn? why am i being so blind? i thought it was fine... growing into my own right... i have time, dont i? Jeezs.. did i came out wrong some how? some where? i want to be better! i SO want to better! i so want to do good, and good alone... but why do i end up so cut up inside? so mashed up? so folded? so, so, so... i have so much to tell you... and wish i could see you! bring me to you, let me sit at your feet, scold me, teach me... i dun care if i die... as long as i have you. sheesh, it sound so mushy... but God, you are the only one i know whom i can tell everything to... the only one who will understand. the only one i trust to be there always... no matter what...

sleeping with strangers and dreaming

some nights are difficult, yester-night especially, because my maid's 2 years contract was up and mom change another maid for the family.

When i reach home yesterday after a full day of shopping, it was quite late and so the new maid was already sleeping in my room. So, i slept with stranger in the same room... tsk tsk. my sad life.

anyway, that is not the only bad thing... i had a horrible night because of my bad and disgusting dream! i dreamt that i had to clean up a clogged up toilet bowl and it is just disgusting... the smell!!!! oh man... i was puking in my dream because of the stench and my hands shook so badly and EEEE!!! even thinking about it now is churning my stomach. so i will leave it that that.

my dreams are always so vivid... they scare the living daylights out of me... i seriously do dream in both color and black and white... i also can hold, not just feel and touch, smell (mouth-watering cologne or sewage water) and taste texture as well as sweet, sour, bitterness etc. thats y it is so scary, whatever happens in dreamland is real... until i get up.

thoughts of good things

some times, exceptionally good things happen to you and weirdly, people around you tell you to be wary, to be cautious and maybe even, to throw that perfectly good thing aside. at that point, what do you do?

do you A) question your assessment of the good thing; B) throw it away without second tot; C) brush off your pals' comments; D) do nothing.

Well, im sure the answer is between A and D (that is not to say it consist of B and C... i mean simply the answer would be either A or D or a combination of both). how lucky it would be if it is as simple as a multiple choice question(MCQ). whereby the answer is mutually exclusive? and best of all, non-consequential to the other questions of life?

some times good things happen out of the blue and before you question the gift, you might have to think of the sensitivity of your action. is it wise to stare a gift horse in its mouth? OF COURSE, if you rem. the story of Troy! but would you indirectly be hurting someone else's feelings? And would you also be guilty of a lack of trust? and also are you paying too much attention to what nay-sayers have to corrupt?

i am not saying that you should accept good things blindly. but i SAY, you should know who the good thing came from... eventually what it boils down to is trust. if the people of Troy thought about it... why would their enemy present them with a surrender gift of such magnitude? wont a fruit basket with a white flag suffice (from an enemy)? What i am saying (Troy story aside) is that if you know the bearer of the good thing... know that he/she is not out to get you.... and just wants to share his/her generosity, then smile! accept the good thing that came your way gracefully and pass this act of kindness onwards and outwards!

you humble me

surrounded by pregnant mothers humbles me. their ability to share their body with another life, another soul... their ability to provide for someone else, in the most natural way, as God will it. this supernatural and yet very ordinary part of being a mother shows to the world just how generosity manifest itself to its extreme yet blends in into everyday life. And it is any wonder why mothers are so well respected thr'out the world?

beauty from a car

can you recognize beauty when it stares back at you?

the pattern of the lone leaf making its way into the world
the bed of clouds filling the blue expense
the centrefold tree maintained lovingly by master's hand

Yes i can, and i did... all from the inside of a car.

who went and died on her?

"the procession came to pass and the wakers left. the girl stare hard wondering where she was amidst the black huddling robes and who went and died on her without saying goodbye."

i guess somedays are crafted just solely for you alone. those days you hid under your sheets and find comfort in a sad book. not because the story is any good but because you need to air your tears. nobody came and killed your family, nobody came and steal your food, in fact nobody came to make you feel no good. but you still feel bullied, you still feel upset, you still think that the sun didnt shine as warmly on you.

"hello? wake up your idea!" get your demons out and use a samurai sword on them.. go "kacha, kacha, kacha!" and whack and whack and whack (ok... maybe a hammer or a bat will be a better weapon to go with the action... but using a sword is so much cooler). until either they die a most horrific and horrendous death- full of blood and glore squirting in beautiful 360 degrees.. splintering shards of bones, teeth and nails into non existant corners and spine-curling screams and screeches which belong to too many calafare OR... you got tired, your tears dried up, your nose- a freely flowing tap, your hands weak and your body unable to keep you a-move.

maybe then, you will realise... a sad storybook will do more good in a much faster and cleaner way. have you clean your body, empty the toxins away and make space for more good things to come?

when God comes knocking, She comes with an entourage of Louis Vuitton luggage... Do you have space for all that and Her?

Of secrets, flyer & royce

my friends, even though there may be many things i want to tell you., i have to admit that i have been more selfish these days. dont get me wrong, you guys have been wonderful! but i have changed. i used to be an open book, a quick read but now i find it harder to speak.

maybe it is because i have an accumulating wealth of secrets, maybe because i am too ashamed of my doings. maybe because there are just things i dare not say because of the consequences... whatever it is, just know that i treasure you! and i will try to find a way to let out my feelings and thoughts in proper time.

i hope you had a great day, because i had one.
love.