maybe it really is divine intervention that i have some soul lifting music in this low moment of my life... maybe i am just seeing signs all around when there really isnt much to read, but well, it is really my choice isnt it? whether or not i attribute my blessing to some supreme being or just take it for granted.
sometimes i sit stumped (like now). couldn't do anything productive despite the ringing call of work except to pour out my thoughts-all jumbled up. my mind is working, honestly, but it is moving at a speed beyond my mind's comprehension itself... could you understand me? it is like an anti-virus software... just scanning away, before you can pin-point which file or folder it is in... it has already moved on.... how then can i know what is in that particular file or folder, how then to make sense of it?
i feel so uncomfortable... so upsetting, so unbalanced. what did i do wrong? how did my bearing of gifts and good intentions cause this downward spin? is it really kinder to be cruel? should i listen to the fortune cookie? i do feel drained.... so spent emotionally...
i just want to be a rock, a stone, a wood... something which does not feel as much, something more at peace. i wan to obtain that...
can someone teach me how?
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