a balancing act

for pilates today, the instructor made us run thr a balancing act... and man was it tiring! the good thing is that the sauna room is working... so i had a good 10mins of resting... then i head home to change and went out to meet Clara for GSS!

Got 3 tops, replaced my lost goggles and add another nail color to my already exploding collection.... sweet! had a good lunch, an even better dinner and a ride home! so damn sweet!!!

but of cos, everything was sweet and rosy because of Clara.. she was so concerned for me... (i noe many of u guys are too! thanks! xoxoxo)... we talked about our messed up lives. (mine more messed up). she encouraged to cont. shopping, when i didnt see anything i like... and cheered me up with her good nature spirit. we finished at 9 plus i think... amazing... really... my feet are killing me now but it is all worth it! haha

silly girl

she took her pills for lunch and dinner together at supper-time and then went out to run. she ran, then walk, then ran, then walk again, with her ipod, going in circles. she feels so bad... so rotten and all a mess inside, but she couldnt let the nasty things out. she understood why people cut themselves... but she couldnt do it to relief her pain. she looks up at the sky and laments that the stars are not as plentiful as she wishes, and nor as bright. she knows she is blessed but she feels let down. she hates herself for not being better. she is a wreck but she dont know how to recover. she wants to hurt but she dont know how. she wants to vent... but cant even cry. she is just pathetic, this silly girl.

monsters and beasts...

the people i love are monsters and beasts...
they make unreasonable demands and expect me deliver
they say the most hurtful things and expect me to listen
they bring me to the highest peaks and then push me down
they hold parties for me but take my mates away
they teach me to love others then make me hurt them
they make me believe then tell me that it is only a dream

they are my friends, they are my parents, and they say, it is all for my good.
And i believe them...

...But another part of me refuse to give in.

What happen to Goodness?
What happen to Faith?
What happen to Kindness?
What happen to Grace!

asking for small favours

maybe it really is divine intervention that i have some soul lifting music in this low moment of my life... maybe i am just seeing signs all around when there really isnt much to read, but well, it is really my choice isnt it? whether or not i attribute my blessing to some supreme being or just take it for granted.

sometimes i sit stumped (like now). couldn't do anything productive despite the ringing call of work except to pour out my thoughts-all jumbled up. my mind is working, honestly, but it is moving at a speed beyond my mind's comprehension itself... could you understand me? it is like an anti-virus software... just scanning away, before you can pin-point which file or folder it is in... it has already moved on.... how then can i know what is in that particular file or folder, how then to make sense of it?

i feel so uncomfortable... so upsetting, so unbalanced. what did i do wrong? how did my bearing of gifts and good intentions cause this downward spin? is it really kinder to be cruel? should i listen to the fortune cookie? i do feel drained.... so spent emotionally...

i just want to be a rock, a stone, a wood... something which does not feel as much, something more at peace. i wan to obtain that...

can someone teach me how?

grandma's night in

i dont think you will believe me. but i am seriously looking forward to work... to going to the office. i have been cooped up at home, checking my emails whenever i could overcome the effects of my medicine. but most of the time... it is just me being sleepy.

my grandma came over to my place to prepare for tomorrow, when the family will be busy making rice dumplings. so she will be camping with me. i had one of the nicer home cooked dinner for a long time man... but i had to work for it... grandma made me help her prepare 1 dish... had my fingers soak in the bowl for an hour, tying knots haha. but it was worth it.

while my trip was great... i dun think my life now is as rosy... just to say, i am quite confused about some stuff... dun think i can really explain what exactly but... lets just say.. im letting this unfold by itself and being calm about it... because, they really isnt any other more reasonable way.

deep in tots.

heya~

I finally touched down at Changi Airport...hit the bed once i got home and began snoozing... haha. so freaking tired man. anyway... im a little ill.. having cough with flam and blocked nose... hahah... so maybe tomorrow i will be on mc... haiz. kk gtg check my temp. now.

photos will have to wait. just know that Australia is the BOMB!

Day 2 Fremantle & China Town

We had Cicerello's fish & chips for lunch... We shared! :) also, we order colesaw, lemonade and chocolate milkshake!!! the fish and chips are great... the fish better than the chips. we finish the fish in no time at all. but to me, the eating experience is the unforgettable one when compared to the food. you have the sea breeze in your hair, stirring up the oil paper which is use as the plate for our fish & chips.. the seagulls flapping above us and the port/jetty view.... gosh, it just takes my breath away.

We took the CAT bus at Freo... they are cheater bugs! it was way faster to walk... we walk back from Cicerello to Fremantle Market... and then to Fremantle Station at half the time we took for the bus to get there. all we got from Fremantle is a box of strawberries.. hahaha... oh well Fremantle market is a lot smaller than i think... sad. but we didnt go to anywhere else in Fremantle... should we go back again?

Dinner was at China Town of Perth... lots of chinese food there. It is not bad la... but not fantastic also... by this time, i have began to get sick of the water of Perth. It taste FUNNY! in a weird, not good way..anyway, tmr will be super packed day! i cant wait!!!!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments your breath is taken away. And this Aussie trip is definitely going to add lots of "breath taking moments" in my life!

first day in Perth, Australia

Hiya people!!! im frantically typing away on my pal's laptop to bring you news of me in Aussie!!! hahah. Today is just way cool! Arrived safe and sound at Perth Airport at midnight... reach a lovely and cozy home (Thank you Rachel & Alwyn) which we will camp out in for our time in perth. The first night was short and cold... we slept from 2 plus in the morning to 9.30am... In the morning, we follow looloo's map to the Tourist Centre.(thanks looloo!!!) Got a half day trip to Swan Valley-Margaret River Chocolate Factory- Caversham Wildlife Park & Tumblegum Farm-Sandalford Wineyard. Cool eh... We had delicious home cooked dinner consisting of kangkong & yongtaofu(homemade too!!!) at my pal's other relatives house and then we toured the Burswood Casino, we went for a quick bite at a convenient store, then we went to take the ferris wheel and take in the amazing view of King's Park at night...

But the ferris wheel is DA BOMB... we met this Aus Citizen who was Singaporean previously... and he gave us free ride on the VIP carriage!!!! This was after we got discounted price for the normal ride!!! can you believe our luck!?!!! So cool la.... haha... kk i need to go off now...

BTW, we booked our motel at Melb. so dun need to worry... hahahaha... thx for ur msn messages, your smses and ur call!

big hugs all around!

this trip

this trip... will be an enjoyable one.. not because of my up-lifting spirit but because of the help and assistance i have received to make this trip a possible... the brochures, the maps, the printouts and emails and taking over my work... thank you!

this trip... will see me accomplishing another dream of mine... Australia is a place where i have always hope to get accquainted with.

this trip... will be an adventure! Because my life tends to be one... hahah

this trip... will be a time to relax... and recharge.

this trip... is for me and me alone.

look no further

if bad news collide into me in my busy work schedule, i need not look any further than my fellow desk pushers... haha... nolly knows me so well.. he began bugging me in no time to tell him why i am bother.... my boss knows when i am keeping secrets from him and took my unhappiness into him too... haiz... i am so lucky right? to have friends even in my workplace... tell me, how can i not, fall on my knees and kiss the feet of God if He so allows.... how not to worship his presence?

no matter how upset... after a while we will all get better... because we are made in the image of God... and if he is so powerful... im sure, a little of his indestructibility rub off on us... in our emotions and feelings, in our hearts! people be strong... nothing is too difficult when you have Him to support you! :)

Aussie - Traveling Schedule

Hi guys... as you know i will be in Aussie in May... here are my traveling dates...

Singapore to Perth
14th May 1845 -2350
SQ215 Changi T3

Perth to Melbourne
19 May 0610 - 1150
Virgin blue DJ578

Melbourne to Perth
23 May 0610 -0825
Virgin blue DJ675

Perth to Singapore
23 May 1555 -2115
SG226 Changi T1

Again, if you guys have any good recommendations... of what to do in Perth and/or Melb... pls tag! or sms me :)

XOXOXO!

just a stay home sat

The paper lying on the dining table
Screams "Mas Selamat Captured"
While Ricky Martin does
A heart-pumping act on TV
My attention divided as to
which is more entertaining
Mom is busy in the kitchen
Whipping up a potentially
Fantastical dinner
While i ponder on
Dad quietly makes his dumplings
barely glancing at the TV
Bao said his good morning
While i glance at the clock for confirmation
Yes, it is 3pm.
My swimsuit body is no show
Because of my lack of goggles
And also as i recall
the cleanliness of pool water.
As i sit at the sofa
Blogging on my lack of a life
The rest of the day is
Unfurling

oh, shut up already!

Worked today... but unlike the rest of the fridays... today is special. today i had to roll out my quarter 2 promotion... so i visited West Coast, Great World City, Anchorpoint, Marine Parade, Parkway Parade.. hm.. did i missed out some? i dint complete the whole list because i was terribly delayed by my vendor... Super haiz!

anyway... i really enjoyed myself today... despite it being tiring... fortunately for me, my companion is fun and not too boring (hahaha) and he pulls his own weight! :) but that said... maybe a little too fun... i believe i said some stuff i really shouldnt... and i guess that shocked him.... i think i was too relax... and while i was telling him all the SUPER interesting things about my childhood... i let slip something that i shouldnt... hm.... should i just pretend that i dint anything and hope he dont rem? .... very difficult....very difficult. lol.

anyway, what do you think? Is there a Devil (powerful being who is evil)?

Of Zoos and ice-creams, interns and imaginings

as my lift is being barricaded for works, i had to use the newly installed lift at another location of my block to get home. it was a verily different experience for me. since i've moved, i've stayed at a unit that is very near the lift and there is only 1 other unit on the path from the lift to my unit. but because this lift is being re-constructed, i had to use the new one which is further away from my unit. and by doing so, i have to walk along the common corridor...

in many ways, this is very jarring for me. as i walk pass the many grilled doors and windows... my mind began to wonder about the families staying there. oh, i know it is rude to peep into other people's houses and rooms but... it is unconscious. i try, i swear i did, to walk pass with my eyes glued to the concrete or glazing out at the view... but as the corridor turns, i will glance pass someone's bedroom or living room... and even see the kitchen for 1 or 2... and my mind works in a frenzy, thinking up roles and situations of the family inside. is this what people mean by imagination? or just simple kpo-ness. haha.

another tot that occurred to me today, (technically, i mean yesterday) is my past relationship with my boss (aka the best boss in the world).. haha... i wasnt kidding when i gave him tat title you know... i really tot he was great... he still is (great i mean). he deserve that title because of how he treated me... AND also as i realised now- The situation in which we were in then. I was the only intern in the team and he drives me around everywhere, for lunch, for fieldwork... for fun activities... yup, he included me in most of his activities... and it was.. almost... like there was only the 2 of us... so i guess.. i got attached to him... i rem the last day... i felt so sad to leave... almost shed a tear or 2 as i left the office... hm..

of cos, i dont think i am the BIITW... i just happen to be the luckiest :) THANK YOU GOD! So, the interns are here for some months.. and hope i am a good influence on them and provide them with useful skills and knowledge and of cos leave them with good memories...

feeling blessed to the brim

crazy running around spreading love

despite my failing health (read early morning dizziness and puking ) i managed to survived the day in office. i wasnt on form at all.. you can ask my boss, my mind was slow and not working right. i wasnt sure if i should play bball with my colleagues/frens... in the beginning i was a little blur.. but later into the game... i felt better... phew... so the cure is just some exercise... :)

anyways as the Type A H1N1 flu pandemic is going to blow us all the way to hell... i just want to say to all of ya out there... "treasure the people around ya man!!!!" who knows who is going to say "bye bye" to the world... BUT... do rem that if you owe me money.. PAY UP!!! hahaha.. just kidding.

Hm... can you tell, that my jokes are just me covering up the fact that i will be really upset if you guys leave me? please dont die on me... because you guys deserve your future, because you guys have so much more to accomplish... because if you guys average out the happiness lvl of your life per day... im sure i have load more than you... and that is just so unfair..

So, Dear God, please dont take my friends away before they are ready... dont let them leave this world you created without smelling the roses, without watching the clouds, without enjoying the sea, without admiring the mountains, without experiencing the wonders you have created for us. please do not take them so quickly because they have neglected the magic around them, because they have been self-sacrificial for so long.. and they deserved some more time to bring the love back into their lives.

i burnt brightly, more brightly than some others because i want to share my warm and light... but that also mean that when i crash.. i crash real bad and i prefer to crash alone or with very close frens. Sometimes, behind all my bright smiles... lies a small girl.. who nibbles at her fingers.. and awkwardly hides at corners... hoping to be noticed... yet fearing that... thats just me. i find joy in burning super brightly whenever i can... throwing caution to the wind.

But whatever it is.. For so far, i have count myself blessed to have shared my life with all of you (even a little, because you all have enriched my life)... and whatever happens in the future... just know this.. we had fun and we were great together!

i love you. and do rem to love k?

say a little prayer...

my tongue is rubbing the ulcer in my mouth with a pathetic relish... i know i shouldnt bother my ulcer but my tongue is just not listening to my brain... another thing that is not listening to my brain is my body... i seem to have trouble balancing... not just in pilates class this morning... even walking about my house just now.

anyway, after my class today, i treated mom and my brothers for lunch as a mothers' day lunch... and then i went to Jes's to check up on some the websites regarding Aussie... which made me wonder if i could even go... because of the H1N1 flu... pigs can fly man... hahah

okok... so... back to some topics on my mind... i can understand that my family couldnt tell that my hair condition is better... i can even let the fact that my hair color change pass un-observed.. but hello? my hair is SHORT now?!!! haiz... nvm... i think i am getting use to this. dinner was an unappetising instant noodle.. super no nutri-value what so ever but... it was because i was really upset at my dad. long story, not very interesting.

this H1N1 is really getting on people's nerves... today at Causeway.. it was a tues or wed crowd only... which means.. business might get into deep shit. SAD. another, less economical thought i have on H1N1 is that... hey, you know how little people care about other people around them? other people - being the not so close kind... like strangers on the streets... neighbours in the lift... the person waiting for the bus with you... the cab driver... yup.. who noes.. their impact on you may be much greater than u can imagine... death by association perhaps?

;P say your prayers yet?

skye... if you are reading this, please take good care of yourself! dont get the virus! and tell amy and ah xia also! miss you guys.

New Hair-do with Clara

Other than the little bit of the morning which i had to do work. i had lots of fun today. did a few firsts... first hair treatment in singapore (i did quite a lot of that in China) , first shopping exp. at auto. shop... haha... not what i expected at all. i tot it would be more shady, but apparently it is quite jap-like... hm...

in addition to the hair treatment, i re-dye my hair, as the hairdresser told me that they cant touch up highlights... did my hair with my gf :) haha. every time i go out with Clara, i end up spending... super haiz. BUT, it is super fun! I think she must feel the same. Hahaha

had a good time at borders… was planning to purchase an audio book but end up getting a classic… can you guess which I got? I wonder if an audio book will provide me with the same level of entertainment as a book-book. Hm… it is very different eh? I mean, what if I don’t like the way the reader reads or his/her voice… or worst… what if because of intonation or rhythm, the reader plant in my mind something that is not per the author’s intention?


anyway… need to hit my bed soon because tomorrow is pilates Sunday, but now, just simply enjoying my MLTR CD.

Labour day

i was rudely waken by my mom who pressed me for an answer to a question which i couldnt be less bothered about. i tried burrowing deeper into my already flatten pillow but did not find peace in dreamland. it seems i was too far away for Sandman to work his magic on me.

reluctantly i gave in to the call of the TV and the noisy birds outside my window. breakfast became lunch and i sub. lunch for a 45min swim. (it was 2.30pm, i was hoping there will be few as mad as me to go swim when the sun is hottest. and i was right on! however, in my hurry to leave i drop my goggles... and those were really fine goggles i tell you!) Went to my uncle's place immediately after my swim... dinner was BBQ!!! haha... we had jumbo prawns, flower crab, satay, otah, mushroom, beehoon and beef... yum!

but that isnt my fav part of the whole thing... my fav part is when i am chatting to my cousins.. looking at youtube videos with them... just sharing the sofa... entertaining the younger ones... listening to their endless questions and making sense of their baby talk.. haha. children, they warm the heart (most of the time.. haha).

will be going for press check tmr morning... oops.. i mean later at 8.30am... so i better get into my bed and under the covers!

so thankful for relatives who care.