Off - pulling random pieces together

beauty in the unseemly may seem like an oxymoron... but i dun think that there is any conflict. there can be great inspiration to be drawn from the cruelty of life and the grime that is crawling this world. that to me, is beauty, which explains why i think the aged more beautiful than the babe. if beauty comes with a past, comes slightly marred, comes slightly off, then, that may just be perfection to me.

i am not the most easy person to understand, nor the most rewarding to be with. i am not perfect. but i do strive to it (to my kind of perfection)

i love things that are a little off. it is difficult to say what exactly draws me... sometimes i hear a calling for some thing deep and dark. sometimes i swear, unicorns will come to me in play. but whatever it is, i feel good that i am comfortable in my own skin (literally only). i never question how i reconcile this verily different parts of who i am. i just am.

but some times, i do think i lose touch of what is real... almost living in a surreal world which i made up. those times, when i finally remember where i am... i get a headache so bad and i could not believe that this was the world meant for me. You know, the kind of feeling which you get, when you got back a flunky grade when you were so sure you would ace it as you sat for it? UNbelievable.

the facades of buildings are like faces to me, the lines, columns, arches, doorways and window-ways like the features of human face. like those lines and freckles, eyes, ears, nose of human face. i like to snap photos of them...especially the ones that had seen a lot more years than me. i love historical buildings... maybe like castles? would like to go to Scotland 1 day and see the B&Bs and the scary but beautiful castles...


i would never say it out in its full context- how the hand that feeds me, poisons me but it does. despite how the hand knows that it is poisoning me, it cannot hold back. and i cant run from it. not because i am weak but because to run would be cruel. how do you turn away that hand that feeds you?

The things i say... sometimes even i question my sanity for putting a voice behind those thoughts... like the massive amount of text you have skim thr to reach this portion of the entry.... nuts i tell you. but i can promise you that some things, i will never share... my secrets, your secrets (if you impress them on me properly of course) and the one i love. i will not share his heart, body, soul. (God doesnt count of cos)