Yeah! had a really good time on Friday after my family join me at the pool... hahah!!! just like old times!!!! cant believe it was so fun... we had too much fun i think... i drank some pool water!!! EEEKKKK!
Today i shopped alone... went to Borders but din't get any thing!!! proud eh? haha.... when i was about to go back home i was caught by the storm @ ochard... soak my birkenstock! the white one some more... man...
But i arrive home to home cook food by my mom! Yesh! my fav dish - tofu!!! muahahaha... tmr i will have to work hard! for the work i am supposed to do. :) keep the tags coming in!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
some times i am quiet, some time... i am loud
i feel as if i dun really fit some times... i guess because we come from such different TIME that it is difficult to sync our wave lengths and conversation topics. Maybe that is why i dont say so much... i just have nothing to contribute and if it is nothing good... why waste my energy contributing eh?
but some times, if the topic is right.. i just go blabbering away... some times it doesnt take much to make me silly and incredibly lame. i also love being a nuisance... no questions there. i do enjoy making other people frustrated and irritated. Skye will know that.. haha..
some times, i think i am giant among men... that explains why i do some really unbelievable things. like fight with kids for usage of internet at McDonald (hello? kids are generally selfish & they DUN talk to strangers)... like how i go against my boss... when i know i really should just shut up. haha... and how i raise my fist and shake at under the noses of people bigger than me... haha
but maybe, just maybe.. it could be that i implicitly trust people. i mean, i trust that even if i dont speak, the silence is comfortable for both parties. i trust that people will trust me... that i will only use 2 minutes of the internet... that people will not bully me unreasonably... and that people are nice...
this was a sore point in the last relationship... because my trust get exploited and that gives people looking after me lots of work... should i change? is this bad? it will be really really hard to change this..
i am happy being who i am...
but some times, if the topic is right.. i just go blabbering away... some times it doesnt take much to make me silly and incredibly lame. i also love being a nuisance... no questions there. i do enjoy making other people frustrated and irritated. Skye will know that.. haha..
some times, i think i am giant among men... that explains why i do some really unbelievable things. like fight with kids for usage of internet at McDonald (hello? kids are generally selfish & they DUN talk to strangers)... like how i go against my boss... when i know i really should just shut up. haha... and how i raise my fist and shake at under the noses of people bigger than me... haha
but maybe, just maybe.. it could be that i implicitly trust people. i mean, i trust that even if i dont speak, the silence is comfortable for both parties. i trust that people will trust me... that i will only use 2 minutes of the internet... that people will not bully me unreasonably... and that people are nice...
this was a sore point in the last relationship... because my trust get exploited and that gives people looking after me lots of work... should i change? is this bad? it will be really really hard to change this..
i am happy being who i am...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Cansado!
cansado! So busy, i do not really have time to blog...
muchos trabajo! i just completed 1 presentation
and there are lot of stuff just piling away...
voy a dormir, hasta la vista en mi sueño!
im dreaming of going vacation... hee... so i am sure looking forward to my dreams. you guys can come along.. haha... free tickets (going loco)
muchos trabajo! i just completed 1 presentation
and there are lot of stuff just piling away...
voy a dormir, hasta la vista en mi sueño!
im dreaming of going vacation... hee... so i am sure looking forward to my dreams. you guys can come along.. haha... free tickets (going loco)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Dun be sad if it rains.
even the sky needs to cry some times.
huge buckets of tears to cleanse its soul.
it will be only cold and lonely for a bit.
and when it's over-the sky will shine again.
everyone has rainy seasons
but when the sun comes up again
things not only look better
but really feels better.
dont you wish for rainbows?
huge buckets of tears to cleanse its soul.
it will be only cold and lonely for a bit.
and when it's over-the sky will shine again.
everyone has rainy seasons
but when the sun comes up again
things not only look better
but really feels better.
dont you wish for rainbows?
On your bike, Grace
Tired! cycled for 4 hours... from east coast to Changi village & then back again. but i feel good to have worked out.
however... my mind switch off now and then which sort of lead to a minor accident (no injuries).. hahaha.. but the funny thing was that... i bruise my knee while walking as i walk into a stool twice.. hahaha!!! stupid stool too short. hahaha. So now i get this ugly big blue-black on my knee... haiz.... grace grace... how silly and careless can you get? you must take care of urself le la... it is just you, me and grace now k...
Not bad at all.
A Must Watch! Absolutely Adore It.Friday, February 20, 2009
MLTR!!!! (Titled does not make sense to entry)
im petrified. i have so much to think about.
it feels like numerous thoughts wanting to be written all at the same time. they are like rush of air particles through the valleys of my fingers. they are so developed that i can almost feel them gathering at my palms... and they scare me with their tenacity to be heard.
thus, this is me giving in...
an old man reminise about this past and how when he was a boy of 5 or 6... his playmates are all like him. they have the same background, the same ideals and aspirations. They are singaporeans - true and true. but now as he see the children running around, he predicts that in 20 years time... that would have been a very different picture.
as i hymn a tune while i walk alone... i was suddenly overcome by a feeling of sadness... but i feel good that i felt the sadness.. sometimes i dun think i get to feel it.. as if i have pushed it to the very very corner of my mind and covered it with cobwebs... i secretly think i have not let it all out yet. SHUCKS
i had an AMAZING yester-night! even thinking about it now... i still cant believe it. maybe it was just the moment... or maybe the 1 sided conversation (honestly, i dun believe it was 1 sided...), ... ( for a moment, i am loss for words ) ok, i am not sure if it was just me but... you aint that bad... :) i mean sometimes you just cant be sure ya know? i have worn my heart on my sleeves and have gotten brush-offs and fakeness... that i cant say for sure now what is real & what isnt... of cos i am still optimistic... duh. but also fearful.
Sé, no diga gracias, pero siento muchos. Tan, tengo decir- Muchas gracias mi amigo!
there is a time and place for all things. someone told me something what i was told long ago.. but then, i must have been deaf, cos i didnt get it. But now, maybe i am older, wiser... and i could see how i could have been mistaken, been quick to judge. but now, i guess i am ready, ready to listen.
i have again been questioned... regarding my ambition or the lack there of... haha... i have to say that my ambition is lofty.. so lofty that i dun think most people will grasp. My ambition is to be God. No kidding.i know it is something i will never achieve. haha... but it is the only think i really really want- to be as good as God, to be as kind, to be as wise. i guess this cant be written in any kind of career plan... and most people will think it is super unrealistic... but isnt is what everyone should be striving for? (Nope. most people just wan money, fame and power)
But, this is my guiding principle, my light. and it is so bright and powerful that most things will not be able to make me waver in my path. do i have an ambition? in the normal/real world sense of the word? No. But do i have An Ambition? Yes. it is THE ambition, THE ambition you should have too. To be more like God.
Buenos noches y hasta pronto!
it feels like numerous thoughts wanting to be written all at the same time. they are like rush of air particles through the valleys of my fingers. they are so developed that i can almost feel them gathering at my palms... and they scare me with their tenacity to be heard.
thus, this is me giving in...
an old man reminise about this past and how when he was a boy of 5 or 6... his playmates are all like him. they have the same background, the same ideals and aspirations. They are singaporeans - true and true. but now as he see the children running around, he predicts that in 20 years time... that would have been a very different picture.
as i hymn a tune while i walk alone... i was suddenly overcome by a feeling of sadness... but i feel good that i felt the sadness.. sometimes i dun think i get to feel it.. as if i have pushed it to the very very corner of my mind and covered it with cobwebs... i secretly think i have not let it all out yet. SHUCKS
i had an AMAZING yester-night! even thinking about it now... i still cant believe it. maybe it was just the moment... or maybe the 1 sided conversation (honestly, i dun believe it was 1 sided...), ... ( for a moment, i am loss for words ) ok, i am not sure if it was just me but... you aint that bad... :) i mean sometimes you just cant be sure ya know? i have worn my heart on my sleeves and have gotten brush-offs and fakeness... that i cant say for sure now what is real & what isnt... of cos i am still optimistic... duh. but also fearful.
Sé, no diga gracias, pero siento muchos. Tan, tengo decir- Muchas gracias mi amigo!
there is a time and place for all things. someone told me something what i was told long ago.. but then, i must have been deaf, cos i didnt get it. But now, maybe i am older, wiser... and i could see how i could have been mistaken, been quick to judge. but now, i guess i am ready, ready to listen.
i have again been questioned... regarding my ambition or the lack there of... haha... i have to say that my ambition is lofty.. so lofty that i dun think most people will grasp. My ambition is to be God. No kidding.i know it is something i will never achieve. haha... but it is the only think i really really want- to be as good as God, to be as kind, to be as wise. i guess this cant be written in any kind of career plan... and most people will think it is super unrealistic... but isnt is what everyone should be striving for? (Nope. most people just wan money, fame and power)
But, this is my guiding principle, my light. and it is so bright and powerful that most things will not be able to make me waver in my path. do i have an ambition? in the normal/real world sense of the word? No. But do i have An Ambition? Yes. it is THE ambition, THE ambition you should have too. To be more like God.
Buenos noches y hasta pronto!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
lightheart nonsense!
i love to bite... as i type away in a frenzy, i am haphazardly chewing on the magnum ice cream stick. i wonder quite a bit if my entries are causing many "z"s to fly out of your nose and mouth... but just as quickly as the thought developed, it was gone... hee
went swimming today.. its been a long time man!!! but this time i didnt stay too long because it is so freaking crowded.. and the water is warm!!! eek... there isnt a lot of space to swim freely so i made a quick exit... 30mins and i am out! man... i wan a good swim.. cooling water and lots of space!!!! ( maybe i am a loner... why is it that my hobbies are so individual ones... like reading, sketching, writing? and even going Amore and when swimming i am alone? luckily shopping is a sport i do with others... and games too...
on a serious note... my subconscious alarm is ringing... i cant divulge too much but it is safe to say i am a little worried currently... i wonder if i am too careless with my treatment of others... or just plain dense... words escape me... .... ... ... see? haha lame
maybe i should be more careful... hm.
oh ya here is something interesting.. i had this really private conversation with a taxi driver... well.. i was mostly listening... but still. He (the taxi driver) was tell me about his wife's erm... gift to him on V day... hahaha... you can get the details from me (Actman, you guys heard the story le la). anyway the erm.... gift gave him really dark eye bags.. hahaha.. even thinking of it is hilarious... sheesh.
yup.. anyway... im considering getting an ipod nano.. but not sure wat color....
Which color is more me? Tag to let me know k! :) muchas gracias
went swimming today.. its been a long time man!!! but this time i didnt stay too long because it is so freaking crowded.. and the water is warm!!! eek... there isnt a lot of space to swim freely so i made a quick exit... 30mins and i am out! man... i wan a good swim.. cooling water and lots of space!!!! ( maybe i am a loner... why is it that my hobbies are so individual ones... like reading, sketching, writing? and even going Amore and when swimming i am alone? luckily shopping is a sport i do with others... and games too...
on a serious note... my subconscious alarm is ringing... i cant divulge too much but it is safe to say i am a little worried currently... i wonder if i am too careless with my treatment of others... or just plain dense... words escape me... .... ... ... see? haha lame
maybe i should be more careful... hm.
oh ya here is something interesting.. i had this really private conversation with a taxi driver... well.. i was mostly listening... but still. He (the taxi driver) was tell me about his wife's erm... gift to him on V day... hahaha... you can get the details from me (Actman, you guys heard the story le la). anyway the erm.... gift gave him really dark eye bags.. hahaha.. even thinking of it is hilarious... sheesh.
yup.. anyway... im considering getting an ipod nano.. but not sure wat color....
Which color is more me? Tag to let me know k! :) muchas gracias
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Poem - Memories of 15/02/09
swinging pendulum,
red chandeliers
back against cool concrete
yellow old photos
moving pictures
flash on sharp plasma
Akan Datang,
Wife#11
brought on old cine
but more was brought to mind- the book i kept, stick full with Post-its, but more importantly the messages you left for me. the parallels of the plays' script and the conversations we shared. the ladies' thoughts and feeling of loss.
as i circled the darken park, listening to sad songs, i too circled the conversations we had, the roles we played. And gradually, the songs feel less sad, less familiar to me.
when will i be able to step away from the latch and soar? Soon, soon.
red chandeliers
back against cool concrete
yellow old photos
moving pictures
flash on sharp plasma
Akan Datang,
Wife#11
brought on old cine
but more was brought to mind- the book i kept, stick full with Post-its, but more importantly the messages you left for me. the parallels of the plays' script and the conversations we shared. the ladies' thoughts and feeling of loss.
as i circled the darken park, listening to sad songs, i too circled the conversations we had, the roles we played. And gradually, the songs feel less sad, less familiar to me.
when will i be able to step away from the latch and soar? Soon, soon.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Off - pulling random pieces together
beauty in the unseemly may seem like an oxymoron... but i dun think that there is any conflict. there can be great inspiration to be drawn from the cruelty of life and the grime that is crawling this world. that to me, is beauty, which explains why i think the aged more beautiful than the babe. if beauty comes with a past, comes slightly marred, comes slightly off, then, that may just be perfection to me.i am not the most easy person to understand, nor the most rewarding to be with. i am not perfect. but i do strive to it (to my kind of perfection)
i love things that are a little off. it is difficult to say what exactly draws me... sometimes i hear a calling for some thing deep and dark. sometimes i swear, unicorns will come to me in play. but whatever it is, i feel good that i am comfortable in my own skin (literally only). i never question how i reconcile this verily different parts of who i am. i just am.
but some times, i do think i lose touch of what is real... almost living in a surreal world which i made up. those times, when i finally remember where i am... i get a headache so bad and i could not believe that this was the world meant for me. You know, the kind of feeling which you get, when you got back a flunky grade when you were so sure you would ace it as you sat for it? UNbelievable.
the facades of buildings are like faces to me, the lines, columns, arches, doorways and window-ways like the features of human face. like those lines and freckles, eyes, ears, nose of human face. i like to snap photos of them...especially the ones that had seen a lot more years than me. i love historical buildings... maybe like castles? would like to go to Scotland 1 day and see the B&Bs and the scary but beautiful castles...i would never say it out in its full context- how the hand that feeds me, poisons me but it does. despite how the hand knows that it is poisoning me, it cannot hold back. and i cant run from it. not because i am weak but because to run would be cruel. how do you turn away that hand that feeds you?
The things i say... sometimes even i question my sanity for putting a voice behind those thoughts... like the massive amount of text you have skim thr to reach this portion of the entry.... nuts i tell you. but i can promise you that some things, i will never share... my secrets, your secrets (if you impress them on me properly of course) and the one i love. i will not share his heart, body, soul. (God doesnt count of cos)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
15 feb 2009
i know that by the time i post this entry... it would be the 16th but i think it would be more meaningful to pen this now.
Wax, thanks for the great time. love the play- it is exactly like you said it, sweet & bitter sweet. i feel sad but i also feel relief that i made a wise decision. Though it hurt. nobody says it wouldnt eh? Thx for planning ahead, for the really cool present.
Elaine gal... your little card is so cute! and so are the presents... i love them... :)
Actsmen, thanks for coming down for lunch! you guys have given me new memories to keep the old ones at bay. and Neoprints?!!! haha... thanks a bunch! We must JiaYou! Ivan & Paik, we miss ya both you know? must keep in touch and better meet us the next time k? Paik... take care of your health! i dun want the next time we meet to be your funeral!!!!
Ron! i feel so sad that i did not pick up your call!!!! can call me again? hahaha... anyway, thx for calling again already heee...
Skye.. 谢谢你的简讯！你真的是对我是真心的人！哈哈。
To the rest of ya who flooded my hp with smses... :) THANK YOU. thank you for remembering... it is not easy to do that but you guys did it!
Special mentions go to:
Emmie (All the way from N.Z!)- thanks cus! miss ya so much. tried to reply but it cant go thr!!!! best wishes to you too! Big hugz!
ET (i dont know if you read this but... thanks. truely)
Norman & Sean - for remembering and making the effort to sms. (almost didnt think norman will rem... hahah, Sean wins for being the first :) haha)
Terry - big hugz! thanks
Chen Weili - the most unexpected sms!!! and so early! Thx brother!
& to you (not sure if you still read my blog)... i didnt think you will sms me at all. i dun noe how to reply. it made me happy yet very sad.. i feel bad about feeling happy too. i know i shouldnt be happy that you remembered, i should be angry, upset... but. i guess our paths have divided and that is how it just is. i most likely wont forgive you till some time. but i will get desensitised to you slowly. i am going to get Diamond for myself because i love it- first and foremost and most likely more than you love it. so i shouldnt let you have it all for yourself. there!
Wax, thanks for the great time. love the play- it is exactly like you said it, sweet & bitter sweet. i feel sad but i also feel relief that i made a wise decision. Though it hurt. nobody says it wouldnt eh? Thx for planning ahead, for the really cool present.
Elaine gal... your little card is so cute! and so are the presents... i love them... :)
Actsmen, thanks for coming down for lunch! you guys have given me new memories to keep the old ones at bay. and Neoprints?!!! haha... thanks a bunch! We must JiaYou! Ivan & Paik, we miss ya both you know? must keep in touch and better meet us the next time k? Paik... take care of your health! i dun want the next time we meet to be your funeral!!!!
Ron! i feel so sad that i did not pick up your call!!!! can call me again? hahaha... anyway, thx for calling again already heee...
Skye.. 谢谢你的简讯！你真的是对我是真心的人！哈哈。
To the rest of ya who flooded my hp with smses... :) THANK YOU. thank you for remembering... it is not easy to do that but you guys did it!
Special mentions go to:
Emmie (All the way from N.Z!)- thanks cus! miss ya so much. tried to reply but it cant go thr!!!! best wishes to you too! Big hugz!
ET (i dont know if you read this but... thanks. truely)
Norman & Sean - for remembering and making the effort to sms. (almost didnt think norman will rem... hahah, Sean wins for being the first :) haha)
Terry - big hugz! thanks
Chen Weili - the most unexpected sms!!! and so early! Thx brother!
& to you (not sure if you still read my blog)... i didnt think you will sms me at all. i dun noe how to reply. it made me happy yet very sad.. i feel bad about feeling happy too. i know i shouldnt be happy that you remembered, i should be angry, upset... but. i guess our paths have divided and that is how it just is. i most likely wont forgive you till some time. but i will get desensitised to you slowly. i am going to get Diamond for myself because i love it- first and foremost and most likely more than you love it. so i shouldnt let you have it all for yourself. there!
my friends.... you guys ROX
JLT and me @ Indochine Forbidden City
ARG @ outback steaki noe it is my bday now... i slept almost the whole day thr on V day... but it has been great... just slacking and resting... met JJ Lin Jun Jie in North point, got new sportwear so that i can go for Amore (later at 10am) mom cooked- which is a great and rare occasion...
Ron.... thank for calling, despite that you got the date wrong...
Ann... u too! how could you confuse poor ron like tat? hahhaha
JLT, happy valentine to 3 wonderful gals in my life... and may our paths always be together
you guys whose sms have began coming in...thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and letting me know that!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
6, little secrets
i will let you in on a little secret... if you read my blog at night, i am most probably, 'reading' it with you. i often sit in front my comp., dazing at my blog... listening to the vid that i have posted on it.. esp. the latest one. (i dont know if that sounds pathetic to you, but i know i am not (pathetic). i feel peaceful when i sit here and listen to the vids) just want you to know that you are not the only 1 starring at my blog... does that comfort you? hm... i dun noe.
anyways... i suddenly had an epiphany (when i was traveling) and the epiphany is that he never liked me enough to be in love with me... haha... so silly right? But i was always comfortably contented... you know? the way a baby is contented to feed from his mother's breast?
But, what i really want to know is, was it love? because... if it is, shouldnt it be more? i dont think that i can fully describe what i want to say... i just, think that if someone loves you... he will most prob. cannot help but defend you all the time, be unable to resist you in so many ways, always try to stand between you and any kind of danger, and most of all... be drawn to you, like gravity. because if i love some one... i think i will do all that. and maybe more... i will want him to happy and contented. i want to be there to fight with him, to fight for him and to comfort him. i want to be there by his side no matter what. so, if THIS is love... what was it (then)?
i think im going to do alright. i think... i am very fortunate. i rem, i asked my friend once (Jes, it's you)... Do you think i will be more grateful to others or, others will be more grateful to me in my life? She said that others will more grateful to me... but now, i seriously think... we were wrong... because i have so many people that i am so thankful for... SO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE!!! haha... yes! i am thankful for you (points to you and big smile). Thank You God!
anyways... i suddenly had an epiphany (when i was traveling) and the epiphany is that he never liked me enough to be in love with me... haha... so silly right? But i was always comfortably contented... you know? the way a baby is contented to feed from his mother's breast?
But, what i really want to know is, was it love? because... if it is, shouldnt it be more? i dont think that i can fully describe what i want to say... i just, think that if someone loves you... he will most prob. cannot help but defend you all the time, be unable to resist you in so many ways, always try to stand between you and any kind of danger, and most of all... be drawn to you, like gravity. because if i love some one... i think i will do all that. and maybe more... i will want him to happy and contented. i want to be there to fight with him, to fight for him and to comfort him. i want to be there by his side no matter what. so, if THIS is love... what was it (then)?
i think im going to do alright. i think... i am very fortunate. i rem, i asked my friend once (Jes, it's you)... Do you think i will be more grateful to others or, others will be more grateful to me in my life? She said that others will more grateful to me... but now, i seriously think... we were wrong... because i have so many people that i am so thankful for... SO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE!!! haha... yes! i am thankful for you (points to you and big smile). Thank You God!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Take 5' & more music therapy..
taking iron pills because my blood pressure is slighter lower than what is healthy.. but it shouldnt be serious... i feel faint/ dizzy sometimes on an infrequent but regular basis. usually happens when im walking or making fast movements. Yesterday it came even when i was just being still. man... sometimes i wonder what my screwed up body is doing to me.
i hate pills.... HATE them! you know what iron pills taste like? at first bite, nothing much (like charcoal pill) but the taste get more metallic when the chewed pieces do not go down the throat with the water. icky.
but anyway... just thankful that i can get to blog a little... my bro 21st bday party was a great success but i guess i overexerted myself playing/taking care of my little cousins and nephews which was partly the reason for my low blood pressure...
JL! you have really grown up, more mature than i would expect. i am both humbled at your growth as well as impressed. If wishes are as simple as blowing candles... i will wish for you money, fame, wisdom, luck, all sorts of good things that everyone will wish for. But sadly, that aint the case eh? So, here is me- ur sister, praying that each year see you becoming a better person... rem that good, up-righteous character takes years to built and only a sec to destroy. our family loves you!
another vid that i love... esmee denters (there is something special in this vid! watch to the end k!)
i hate pills.... HATE them! you know what iron pills taste like? at first bite, nothing much (like charcoal pill) but the taste get more metallic when the chewed pieces do not go down the throat with the water. icky.
but anyway... just thankful that i can get to blog a little... my bro 21st bday party was a great success but i guess i overexerted myself playing/taking care of my little cousins and nephews which was partly the reason for my low blood pressure...
JL! you have really grown up, more mature than i would expect. i am both humbled at your growth as well as impressed. If wishes are as simple as blowing candles... i will wish for you money, fame, wisdom, luck, all sorts of good things that everyone will wish for. But sadly, that aint the case eh? So, here is me- ur sister, praying that each year see you becoming a better person... rem that good, up-righteous character takes years to built and only a sec to destroy. our family loves you!
another vid that i love... esmee denters (there is something special in this vid! watch to the end k!)
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Music therapy
Esmee Denters - Dance with my father - a beautiful slow song...
i think i am getting better.. it is easiler to turn a blind eye and my emotions and feelings are getting dull... this is a sign of recovery rite?
Part 4 - feeling horrid
im so thankful for my cus.... spent a long time with her after my Co. Day Event at Sentosa... we talked for hours!!! and ate so much!!!! hahaha. im so glad that i had her yesterday... was desperate for some1 to talk to... to keep my mind off other matters!
but i cant be surrounded with people all the time... yes, work is crazy... but i really find it difficult to concentrate on it... (only when i am home) in office, im fine. think i will coop myself in office on Monday...(this actually make me feel good... sheesh)
Still spending uncontrollably... scary i know but it makes me feel so good! :)
trying to drown myself in books. i know it is a temp. solution - finish all my books already... shucks.. like a drug they are to me.. replacing you. but when the aftermath breaks... it is like a crash and burn time... like now.
it is V day all over... i saw the flowers, the candies... the couples with litter the street and i feel... jealous? No. More like empty... needing. hate this weak side of me... haiz. i know im stronger than that. I have to be. i need to be sane!
dear god, please, please dun let me turn into a monster, who scorn at love and everything good and wonderful. dun let me belittle the love out there, dun let me lose faith in the good in the world. teach me to see beyond my hurt, beyond my scars and breathe into me, the clean and the pure. give me another day, a new start. bring me up to speed, put me back on path.. and place angels in life as you did before... and make me believe once again that love awaits around the corner... yours and the someone you have planned for me.
Beautiful rendition by Esmee Denters
but i cant be surrounded with people all the time... yes, work is crazy... but i really find it difficult to concentrate on it... (only when i am home) in office, im fine. think i will coop myself in office on Monday...(this actually make me feel good... sheesh)
Still spending uncontrollably... scary i know but it makes me feel so good! :)
trying to drown myself in books. i know it is a temp. solution - finish all my books already... shucks.. like a drug they are to me.. replacing you. but when the aftermath breaks... it is like a crash and burn time... like now.
it is V day all over... i saw the flowers, the candies... the couples with litter the street and i feel... jealous? No. More like empty... needing. hate this weak side of me... haiz. i know im stronger than that. I have to be. i need to be sane!
dear god, please, please dun let me turn into a monster, who scorn at love and everything good and wonderful. dun let me belittle the love out there, dun let me lose faith in the good in the world. teach me to see beyond my hurt, beyond my scars and breathe into me, the clean and the pure. give me another day, a new start. bring me up to speed, put me back on path.. and place angels in life as you did before... and make me believe once again that love awaits around the corner... yours and the someone you have planned for me.
Beautiful rendition by Esmee Denters
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Over You.
....
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
...
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know. (bare teeth)
....
Over you? No, i dont think so yet... but soon...
Nolly shared this little technique with me... haha... listening to Daughtry's Over You... and maybe i will feel the sadness turn quickly to angst... is that a good thing? No idea! haha...
Anyways... my bday is coming!!! (Happy)
I have already decided that it will be a great bday because i will be Pampering myself... hahaha
my bday package should include:
The Sims3!!!!!! woo hooo!!!!!
Upgrade my processor so i can play the above!!!!
Eclipse!!! yep... finish round 1 cant wait for round 2!!! haha
MP3!!!!! yes yes i wan another ipod... (going crazy)
clothes!!!
Shoes aglore!!!!
hm... ok i think it will be these items for now.. till i cant think of something else i guess...
Anyway tmr will be a cool day... going for a uber cool dinner at Marina Square... Shanghai theme... but i will be dressed like a teacher (eeek!!!) (well, my cousins say i look like a teacher in my white cheong sam.... shucks... dun noe what with me and white color clothings). hope i dun look too much like a teacher... so nerd!
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
...
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know. (bare teeth)
....
Over you? No, i dont think so yet... but soon...
Nolly shared this little technique with me... haha... listening to Daughtry's Over You... and maybe i will feel the sadness turn quickly to angst... is that a good thing? No idea! haha...
Anyways... my bday is coming!!! (Happy)
I have already decided that it will be a great bday because i will be Pampering myself... hahaha
my bday package should include:
The Sims3!!!!!! woo hooo!!!!!
Upgrade my processor so i can play the above!!!!
Eclipse!!! yep... finish round 1 cant wait for round 2!!! haha
MP3!!!!! yes yes i wan another ipod... (going crazy)
clothes!!!
Shoes aglore!!!!
hm... ok i think it will be these items for now.. till i cant think of something else i guess...
Anyway tmr will be a cool day... going for a uber cool dinner at Marina Square... Shanghai theme... but i will be dressed like a teacher (eeek!!!) (well, my cousins say i look like a teacher in my white cheong sam.... shucks... dun noe what with me and white color clothings). hope i dun look too much like a teacher... so nerd!
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