Happy is the fish i have at home

Happy is the name of the fish i have at home.
It doesnt smile at all, instead it always look back at me dazedly.
Somedays i barely glance at it. On others, i stare at it blankly.
Rarely, do i think watching it watch me.
Today, i questioned, why of all names, Happy?
Did i know subconciously that Happy is the fish i have at home only?

Start of GSS??!

Finally got my leggings at Cotton On!!! Hee too bad.. Uniclo did not get my $$$ haha


- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

bitching about work and charity

i seriously hate bitching about work... it is never-ending and you never know what kind of shit it will lead you too... i mean, someone might chance upon ur bitching entry(just because u need to let out some frustration) and tell everyone about it..
but i need to know why do people cc the whole damn world when it is a question to you only? what is the point? to spam everyone's email? hello? there is a cap to how much KBs of space everyone has leh...

i give up thinking the world is a nice place filled with nice people.. it is more like an okay place filled with people who are nice sometimes and nasty other times. sad isnt it... no one is really nice all the time (including me...)

you know... i heard of people doing voluntary work- visiting the sick, the elderly, the homeless, parentless etc etc... and i feel like "wow, im glad they are doing all these stuff man! the world surely need more of these selfless people". does it make me want to join in and help? Noooo... nope.. na-ah... cold aint i? its because i think this should come from the heart... one day maybe i will feel this passion to help.. one day maybe i will have this calling.. but now i rather do my part- how often do you visit your grandparents, spent time with your parents? how often do you teach ur kids, nieces and nephews right from wrong? listen to them? gave them your time? not enough you know... at least for me... not enough... and if i cant even do this for my love ones... why go out to save the world?

i wish to treat everyone around me in a manner above reproach... i strive to be to good and kind to all the people i interact with and this only bring my unhappiness and sometimes sorrow/disappointment... now tell me why should be kindly to... to anyone else when even these people around me do not appreciate my kindness (sometimes)..

dont talk to me about doing good... because while i try to do it everyday... you take it up as a hobby. Think about it, kindness shouldnt be a cause to take up, it should be a way of life.

Weekend 15, 16

The stomach flu/ viral made me week... Other than watching The Last Song on sat at causeway pt with jes, I am often in bed trying to gain strength, eating is not a good solution now as I have no appetite... Food just turn me off plus I can't seem make myself eat much. Today, to escape the heat I went to the lib@northpoint. Borrowed some books, hoping my interest in them will relighten (lost interest in everything since Thursday night- including reading and gaming). No meat again- the 3rd day already. I dun noe if my lousy body can take any more of these- the constant rampages of virus and stress...
Freaks!

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Stupid delicate stomach.

Spent Friday in bed because I took something bad for me on Thursday. Vomit throughout the evening and toss around in bed till friday morning. Sheesh. Doc prescribe me fever pills, vomit pills, and gastric pills. Friday I took porridge morning, noon & night. I stay in bed mostly when I'm not taking my liquid meals. Didn't even have mood to play with my iPhone, not to mention laptop. But I did recall a tv ad about freedom- how watching tv is somewhat like freedom. I though how similar that is to dreaming except dreaming is free.

I Dreamt of traveling in London. Dreamt of an underwater experience- exciting. Dreamt of being carefree and being able-bodied, not like now.

Woke up hungry- a gd sign.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Black Monday

i had a horrible yesterday... Sunday. Dinner was average at best (yes, despite it being Mother's day). I didnt get to do what i want to do (R&R), nor did i get my shot of coffee...
Got to bed at 12nn.. tossed and turned, tossed and turned... at 3, i was conscious... at 5 i was waken by my maid's alarm... between 5 to 6.30 i was TRYING to get back into slumberland...

Had to pour coffee into my body to stay awake at work at 8.15... then shit happens.. meeting didnt went well... got blindsided by some decisions... wasnt alert to mis-coms.. and then was called into a meeting to discuss my problems... i was so stressed up that i blank out.. seriously.. its the first time it happened to me (despite all my years of study... i never blanked out)... couldnt rem what i did the whole freaking day...

And now... i have to do today's work. tell me... am i breaking down?

Mommys day

Sitting at the backseat whilst my mom (whom we just fetch from the airport) kept picking on my brother's driving, I can only shake my head..

It's mothers' day and I thought it would be nice to go fetch her with my brother. He drove :)

It's kinda late... And I feel so tired but also feel contented and warm. Glad.

Caught in the rain at 5pm.

Me and a few others watched
2 pigeons bath in the open
They fluffed up their feathers
Into black-grey rounder
Versions of themselves
As the sky showered
Them with powerful jets
Of rain water.

At 16%

It is late, or early, depending on how you see it. And it is time for cozing up in bed but my wet hair needs to dry and I thought I could blog a little before Dream claim me.

I saw Mitch Albom's interview recently, somewhere I can't rem exactly where. And he was asked why he often wrote about death. He answered that he didn't wrote about death. If fact he is writing about life. How when we are knocking at death's door, we reflect on life differently. He also say that death ends life but not it's relationships. Which I know came out of Sandman by Neil Gaiham. This is a truism I have lived by. That's y I fear severing relationships more than death.

As I reflect on the recent hours I had spent with my girlfriends I though of how they make up my life- not defining it but definitely enriching it. I love them all in my own way and I am glad to share my life with them. Girlfriends rox! I am so freaking fortunate to be invited into your lives!

To Skye, Happy Birthday!!! May all your wishes come true! Love.


- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

.. some updates..

i want to write but cannot. "Cannot" because every time an inspiration strikes, im busy, either on my way somewhere or doing work.. No kidding... inspiration struck when i was brushing my teeth today... and since my hands are on the tap and holding the toothbrush... and i was rushing to work... i didnt manage to capture that idea... that is just one example.

last night i had nightmares... i think it is getting more and more comman... bad dreams about work... feeling of incompetency and loss... fear, anxiety, stress... gosh. And guess what.. i found out that the nightmare played out into my waking hour... and i cant wake up. Shit happen at work (as usual). Haiz... it is tiring man... just so tiring that no matter how much hours i put in... forgoing my health and well-being, the richness of my life and so on and so forth, my work still dont bear fruit! ...(i wont cont. this... i think you most people understand the stress from work...)

on to another track, i and confunded. i feel so jaded sometimes... jaded about life, love and goodness. jaded even about religion. it is more like a puzzle that i find interesting and less of faith... I seriously dont want to go into that kind of thinking. because, i feel so bad to think like that...

IronMan2 for the Win

Love it, love him!