the change in me is obvious. when i look into the mirror i see the reddish glow caused by a pool crazy day at Sentosa. it was so so so cooling to be in the cold pool in the hot sun... i guess i got pool crazy and the sun burnt my skin a little too zesty-ly. my shoulders look as if the blood veins have all burst just beneath my skin's surface, they and all other part of my skin feel scalding hot to the touch... my cotton tee shirt shafts terribly even with my lathering my body with aloe-vera gel. what a way to start the new year huh?!
But that is not the only physical change in me... and nor the most important one... but i will leave it at that. the more radical/ outstanding changes i see in me are the intangible ones... it is hard to explain but i dont feel like the old grace anymore... and that is SAD. maybe i should change something. something close to me.. something around me.. to get back to what i used to be...
should i leave things to be as it is or should i make a change? this year 2010 (better state it else i will think it is 2009 again) will it be another year of great changes? what will change? will it make or break me? will i be a better person?
Dear God, i have changed and You know it. Santa didnt give me a present last year not because im naughty but because santa didnt come. maybe i should feel relief that the shades are finally lifted but i felt more like someone close to me died. dear God, is this your plan? for children to grow up- and irrevocably and surely lose their innocence? dear God, i always believe that as long as i have You, i do not need to be afraid, that as long as You are with me... i can win battles and wars. maybe it isnt as simple eh? grace and faith... grace and faith.. but what if the world deems that they are not enough? i want to do well in life... so tell me (please) is it grace and faith, or simply acts to succeed in life... .... i feel terrible that i have to ask... and i know it is rhetorical... because You state it clearly and i am not dumb... then why is it still so difficult?
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