just some thoughts

I thought, maybe, since I have so much free time, I should go back to penning my thoughts (for free, for course… to you poor souls out there reading this.) you know, already I feel a little turned off because I am not doing this properly… I prefer the old fashion, pen and paper thing….despite my atrocious spelling and grammar problem.

Its funny, what conditioning can do to a person. I guess, I am just too used to the idea of scribbling down every and any thing onto paper. I also prefer to read from paper, than from the computer screen etc. But, I cannot imagine how I would literal die if one day, spellcheck is banned.

Anyway, let’s talk about life, my life to be exact. I am born in a peaceful country with high GDP per capita. Here, the majority of the people do not even consider what the relative poverty rate is, much more the absolute poverty line.

My family is the typical Singaporean family – dual income, middle income group. My parents are still alive (praise the lord), my brothers are the bane of my life (no surprise there) and I am average. Average looks, average intelligence, and average size… just short of average height.

So what has average or typical has to do with my life? Well, that is just it! I am sick of this average… I know, I not a princess, and do I live out some fairytale life. I don’t get carried off by princes or slay fire breathing dragons (I am princess who wants to slay dragons too) but I feel so ordinary. I know that everyone is special, because that is the grand plan. But I feel so lackluster… like my life is colored in shades of gray.

I fail, like all man. I succeed, like all man. I laugh, I cry, I escape, like all man. And I do all these in moderation, LIKE ALL MAN! I am not saying that I want to be superman (or superwoman)… I just want some glitter, some sequins, a ribbon or 2 to be sew into my life. Is that too much to ask for? I just want some purpose, some motivation, a talent or 2…

I would wish I never fail or know what bitterness taste like. But that kind of life isn’t normal… only happens in dreams and TV dramas. If I never know failure or bitterness, how then would I discover that the recovery stage of them all is so glorious? The heart too teaches in this manner. It takes the heart to ache (and even break), before it could recognize true love.

Many things are being taught, no, I mean learnt… by trial and error. Even nature takes such an approach. Little is often gained by first analyzing, rather, the first step is to observe.

It sure is painful…