Cry me a river and life

I finished watching 步步惊心 and I cried so badly I think my heart broke. I wonder if I am crying for something else. Lost love? Maybes?

I am so confused with my life. How I wish I just know what to do with it. I play and some people think it is wasting. I work and some people think it is wasting. I do nothing and everyone think it is wasting. Strike a balance? It will still be wasting. It makes mathematical sense right?

I am going into dreams and maybe in it I can find what I have been looking for my entire life.