Me

It is quite contridictory for me to love the lightly dusted skin i currently possess yet look forward to picking up diving right? But that is me.

You may find my nails in shocking pink or wine red but it is not uncommon to find it in nude or beige-brown. Maybe you might see both at the same time. :)

Love to be flower, dots and frills but just as likely to take a zen and monochrome approach in my apparels and accessories.

It isn't so much sitting on the fence. It is more like I am in 2 places at the same time. On both side of the extreme.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Dear John

I wonder- why is it the case that my frens suspect that I am not what I say I am. If I say I'm not seeing anyone, I am not. I dun mind their questions just wonder why they doubt. It has happened before and so often that I think maybe it is bec I seem so contented being single that make people think I'm a part of a pair- completion.

I recently met a few friends, some of whom I haven't met in months and I am so glad to see them. And a topic that came up during one of my meetings is the type of guy I am looking for. Tough that one, dun think I can put it simply and in a few words or sentences but I will try....

Other than being superbly in love with me...
He should be advantureous, not a daredevil, just open to try out fun stuff like rollar coasters n bungee jumping haha.
He should know what he wants in life and be willing to work for it.
Have a good heart.
He should get along well with me and my pals.
He must possess a strong moral standing, and will to follow thr.
Be intelligent enough to correct me when I am wrong and kind enough to make me concede gracefully hahaha.
Financially stable or at least when required.
Score a pass on looks.

Too much to ask for? Maybe but dreaming about him is just as wonderful. For now.

Regarding the title? Watched it. Love him - John I mean. But the story ending is.... Will leave it at that. But I might consider the soundtrack. Hahah. Letters- ink on paper, curves and dots, crosses and imprints but more importantly the speed. It is the waiting that makes the letters so treasured. The fact that it is so easily lost, takes so much effort just to reach you that make you appreciate it.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

In the dead of tonight

Everything is dead tonight. A stillness trencends the earth and the sky outside. I think, if it is snowing here in february or any other month, the snow will freeze a millimeter from my window, 2 millimeters from my palm, as I pull shut my window. The air is stuffy inside and out. The electric fan useless now as in winter. I look to my aircon for salvation while celebrities sing for Hatti on the airwaves. I sat on my Elmo and laid out newspapers on the marble land plates in front of me. Pour over the NATAS fair highlights and imagine being in Scotland, Australia and Japan, in spring & fall.


- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Tired & sick

Watching the convertible pass my suv, and the glassly reflection of the radio light standing out of the night sky, I feel the damages claiming me. My eyes tear and my breathing get more mindful and laborous. My head just bob in time to the acceleration and brakes of the ride.

Tired & sick but still feel motivated. I guess it could be worse but tmr I think I need to sleep and take medicine.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Changing

Things change. People change. Likes change, dislikes change. The world changes. Its mountains change, its seas change and the sky which changes oftenly watches patiently but worriedly.

thoughts during LNY, Bday & Vday 2010

random thoughts:

1. have you ever wonder how come if gravity pulls everything towards the center of the earth... clouds float in mid sky and not at our knees?

2. my fingers looking as if they are dancing on the keyboard when i enter my passwords.

3. i used to make storybooks in pocket sizes about the adventures of Mr Fish... now where is it?

4. how far would you go for beauty? wear color contacts? dye your hair? go dieting? sharpen your nose? into the surgery room?

5. when i am 50, will i still have my frens and relatives around me?

6. 25 and what have i achieved? where am i going?

7. what if there really isnt anything like soul-mates or The One?

8. the responsibilities of a parent is great... the worrys and head and heart ache just as much... but did anyone consider the duties of a child... we blame the parents when the child strays... but why did we not put some (the deserving parts) of the responsibilities of the child straying to the child? people will tell you that its the parents fault.. they neglected their children or spoilt them terribly or controlled them too much etc. etc. BUT why dont people put some of the blame at the child/youngster/ teen... i mean.. it cant be so difficult to grasp.. good and bad... right and wrong... the basic ones are simple. it is a matter of whether some people bother to make the harder choice...

9. some questions have no answers... they cant and arent meant to be answered. their purpose is to make you think and thus kill your brain cells... why else do you think you have so many brain cells.. (grace theory)

10. no more... but just like to end with 10. .... hahahaha

She woke with a kiss? Only in storybooks

It was the unfamiliarity of the ache that made me realised my heart has been laying dormant for so long without me realising. Maybe that proves that we don't need a very active heart to survive. But does it mean that I have not lived meanwhile? But that isn't the story for the day.

This is- my heart woke today with an unfamiliar ache. Like someone had it grasped in the middle of his fist and clenched tightly, like the opposite of an explosion, an implosion unnoticedable by anyone but me, like a blackhole formed on it and is sucking everything into it yet bec the hole is on the heart, there will never be a time the sucking stops.

I bleed in reds, maroon and pink and cried in prisms. It was beautiful, how it hurt. It reminded me that maybe there are worst things in life than failing at work. But I am offended that it had to be so extreme. why can't it be more like sleeping beauty waking from a kiss?

No, I bleed to wake up. And for better or worse, I woke.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

A hotpot of Religion and sex

"Put 2 men in a room, and they will choose sides." I heard that somewhere, and it seems that it is not just about side choosing. A religion has been put on the spot, the pastor in spotlight's face splashed across the headlines today.
While I feel terrible that people pin-pointing on eachothers religion and not respecting others choice and faith. I have to admit that when it comes to things of such serious nature (no lesser than life and death, supreme being/s who control you life to a greater or lesser extent). Does it not warrant more thoughts, more discussion etc over it, of cos sensitively I mean. It's a delicate thing to stir at this hotpot. And so many fail, choosing rather to be silent about it. Because I think, religion and faith requires not only logic but more so relevation of a divine nature and that is a of an arguable nature eh?
And sharing the lime light, more girls 12 to 14 having sex, while i highly suspect they agreed to it I don't know just how much thought they have put into making that decision. Seriously I think it is not my biz to be a brown-noser over such private matters but man did they think???

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Horror bus

Taking a long way home bec it is the wrong way home. Silly me. The bus took me on a chilling and horrific tour of yishun park, Avenue 7 and large expense of black, black fields and shadow nooks and crannies where 2 women have been recently attacked. Attacker still at large! Sheesh. Creepy!


- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

At first, but now I leave all in your hands

With Lindsey tucked under my chin, 1 of my pillows supporting my arms, I type my my mini keyboard on my phone.

I am going mad, I must be because my free time is nerve wreakingly stressed out. Yes, I get weak in my limbs, feel hot when the temp is normal and worse still I think Despair have me on her speeddial. I drown myself in loud music, company of close frens n relatives, tore thr books like they are all going to be burnt tomorrow. I fear I must be quite mad and my body seems to reflect my mental n emotional state like a polished metal plate.

I just want happiness n peace, health and maybe love from someone right for me. But why is this so hard? N why am I feeling so terrible? God, would u please save me? I can't do this on my own, and I think I have done what I can, it is all in ur hands now, can you please, please please take my burden away and just work out my problems in your design.

Head splitting and heart clenching.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)