Loving myself

I love myself but I don't think anyone else will except my family.

Little moth.. Beware the flames

Why is it that moths fly towards flames?
Is there an inherent mechanism in beings to run towards trouble despite knowing it lies ahead?

Why is it that even if I know some things are doom to failure I still try so hard? why do I feel like challenging common wisdoms? Is it because I don't believe in them or is it because I think I can be the exception?

Why can't I be contented with my life? What have You laid before me God? What challenges and tasks have you set? What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to gain? Can I lay my heart and soul before you and trust in your guidance?

Musing

Some times I think I'm suspended in a thin zone of limbo, easily slipping in and out of it. I would hear a sad song and get really down like the culprit songs Soulmate and Dance with my father. Or I would feel lifted and buoyant by the smiles of young relatives and cousins (who have kept my Sunday really interesting and lighthearted so far).

I think mom really craves the noisiness of children in her life and it is like a not too subtle hint to bring these little children into my life too to get my maternal instincts awake... But it's a tough decision to make.. to enter into a relationship. A huge a gamble and if you know me I am not a gambling man.

It is so much easier to be a bystander but is this living?

where is the peace i seek?

i cant sleep.. to be honest, i know i am bone tired but my mind is still full awake. i know i should go to bed, get myself tucked into my quilt and just let my mind wander and my body relax into slumber but i dont know what is it that is keeping me up writing.

I seriously dont know where my life is going, or maybe it isnt going anywhere. is that what is pulling me away from a peaceful rest? tell me, if i die, will i have peace or is it another battle in the afterlife?

I am so tired but my mind dont seem to be able to rest.

Things I want to do before 30 - updated 2012

Repost: Things I want to do before 30.


(this was a blog entry posted on July 2007. I was 22)



1. Learn to ride a horse (best if i can reach gallop stage)

- Still at trotting stage now

2. Learn to dive & Dive in overseas waters ( malaysia is fine)

- I am certified diver!
3. Tour USA

- not yet... :(

4. Tour EU again ( Venice, France, Italy, Czech R., Scotland, England, etc)

- haiz...

5. Tour Japan

- this needs to be KIVed

6. Visit Cousin in Christchurch, N.Z. (before 25?)

- yup! When I was 25!

7. Learn another language (Spanish?)

- yup. Did it in SMU

8. Add 30 good books to my collection

- Hm... I dint count

9. Be surrounded with the same great pals i have and more

- yesh!

10. Settle down???

- erm... kIV?

11. Tour Ireland --> change to England? I want to see Stonehenge

- not yet...

NEW

12. Catch the Northern Lights for real

13. Visit top dive sites

14. Climb another mountain? whats the name again?

15. Mystery