In the dead of tonight

Everything is dead tonight. A stillness trencends the earth and the sky outside. I think, if it is snowing here in february or any other month, the snow will freeze a millimeter from my window, 2 millimeters from my palm, as I pull shut my window. The air is stuffy inside and out. The electric fan useless now as in winter. I look to my aircon for salvation while celebrities sing for Hatti on the airwaves. I sat on my Elmo and laid out newspapers on the marble land plates in front of me. Pour over the NATAS fair highlights and imagine being in Scotland, Australia and Japan, in spring & fall.


- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Tired & sick

Watching the convertible pass my suv, and the glassly reflection of the radio light standing out of the night sky, I feel the damages claiming me. My eyes tear and my breathing get more mindful and laborous. My head just bob in time to the acceleration and brakes of the ride.

Tired & sick but still feel motivated. I guess it could be worse but tmr I think I need to sleep and take medicine.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)

Changing

Things change. People change. Likes change, dislikes change. The world changes. Its mountains change, its seas change and the sky which changes oftenly watches patiently but worriedly.

thoughts during LNY, Bday & Vday 2010

random thoughts:

1. have you ever wonder how come if gravity pulls everything towards the center of the earth... clouds float in mid sky and not at our knees?

2. my fingers looking as if they are dancing on the keyboard when i enter my passwords.

3. i used to make storybooks in pocket sizes about the adventures of Mr Fish... now where is it?

4. how far would you go for beauty? wear color contacts? dye your hair? go dieting? sharpen your nose? into the surgery room?

5. when i am 50, will i still have my frens and relatives around me?

6. 25 and what have i achieved? where am i going?

7. what if there really isnt anything like soul-mates or The One?

8. the responsibilities of a parent is great... the worrys and head and heart ache just as much... but did anyone consider the duties of a child... we blame the parents when the child strays... but why did we not put some (the deserving parts) of the responsibilities of the child straying to the child? people will tell you that its the parents fault.. they neglected their children or spoilt them terribly or controlled them too much etc. etc. BUT why dont people put some of the blame at the child/youngster/ teen... i mean.. it cant be so difficult to grasp.. good and bad... right and wrong... the basic ones are simple. it is a matter of whether some people bother to make the harder choice...

9. some questions have no answers... they cant and arent meant to be answered. their purpose is to make you think and thus kill your brain cells... why else do you think you have so many brain cells.. (grace theory)

10. no more... but just like to end with 10. .... hahahaha

She woke with a kiss? Only in storybooks

It was the unfamiliarity of the ache that made me realised my heart has been laying dormant for so long without me realising. Maybe that proves that we don't need a very active heart to survive. But does it mean that I have not lived meanwhile? But that isn't the story for the day.

This is- my heart woke today with an unfamiliar ache. Like someone had it grasped in the middle of his fist and clenched tightly, like the opposite of an explosion, an implosion unnoticedable by anyone but me, like a blackhole formed on it and is sucking everything into it yet bec the hole is on the heart, there will never be a time the sucking stops.

I bleed in reds, maroon and pink and cried in prisms. It was beautiful, how it hurt. It reminded me that maybe there are worst things in life than failing at work. But I am offended that it had to be so extreme. why can't it be more like sleeping beauty waking from a kiss?

No, I bleed to wake up. And for better or worse, I woke.

- Posted on my trusty ifone :)