finding Grace

got new nails... classic medi and pedi (french medi and natural color pedi)
got new hair... cut and highlight...red!!! can you imagine?

got new bf... Just Kidding! dun think i wan rush into it (relationship) so quickly after i just got burnt...

chat with a gf today... glad to know things are all fine with her.. (love is a precious thing gal, dun be too careless and rash k?) Hm...

been out these few days... need to keep myself occupied with stuff-any kind... when things quiet down and my mind drift.. it is not difficult to guess where it will drift to. fortunately, my pals are all v accomodating... keeping me close by...

had dinner with my parents-simple steamboat... and i rem.. Man it is hard! why cant i just forget them? arent i the forgetful one? the scatterbrain? why do i have to rem?

when i cant turn to him any more... who then should i turn to?

i saw the christmas card

first... i saw the post-it on my desk... one with your handwriting... and i thought... i will never get to see them again... those little scribbles which looks as if they are made by children... it was instantaneous- the recognition... even when it was half covered by other post-its...

then i saw the christmas card you gave me... it was huge... so it stood out among my files... i read it... re-read to be accurate....because i want to see your words..

fool that i am, because it cause my mascara to run. there is a full page of your feelings for me, then. it has only been so recently... dec 24... but man what a big change... i really cant believe it... i dont know how this change was brought about... why do i feel so hurt? why so sad when i know the future will be better and brighter for me?

am i sad for you? because i realise more clearly than you, what you have lost? how much you have lost? or for me, for us, for what we have lost? i know i lost much... but with the same knowingness, i know i will gain much more...

i cannot say the same for you..i honestly dont know. but i pray to god, you dont get your comeuppance. please make wiser decision next time... and please dont go breaking more hearts... rather, let your heart be the one broken... because it is better not to hurt and harm.

Part 2

the memories are the hardest... they form invisible cobwebs in spaces... that when you walk through them, they activate...

they are sweet and potent, like poison... some people tell me to KIV them... some tell me to destroy them.. but how? they are very much mine... a testament of 5 wonderful years of my life.. but i have to pick up these memories and from there, find the me in what was us. and carry on with my many more 5 years to come...

i feel so much... but i could not write it out... tried so many times to put my emotions into words but i could not even complete a passage... there are still so many open ends not tied...

you guys are really great you know? i was having dinner with Jes, and i told her how lucky i was to have friends like all of you... she took it matter-of-factly... "of course! all your friends have quality one" yes.. so true... i do make friends who are ones in a million... because only such upstanding people can go the distance with me.

Jes... thank you for not complaining about how tired your legs/feet must be... and of course for being my captivated audience...
Nigel (and Grace) thanks for sharing, it really touched me to know that you will open up to me like that and i wish all the very best (better than mine) for your relationship
Clara... thanks for calling me... you are really my pillar
Norman... thanks for being so nice... you already are v nice to began with...thanks for volunteering yours and sean's time (did you ask for permission?)
Sean.. (there you go... special indiv. mention) for making me cry in the middle of orchard mrt station... for keeping me company via sms while my friend is on her way... Sean! Sean! Sean!... that makes your name the most mentioned in this entry :) .. i just reply ur text sms . . .

eyes are closing... the medicine is taking effect... there are so many other people i want to be with because you guys make me feel better...

Skye 你还记得吗？“每一天，我做的第一件事是睡觉” 我好想你。记得我们睡觉前讲的话，那种简单幸福的感觉。你还好吗？要加油喔！要幸福喔。。。


take me away...and let me rest by your side. in the fields and Meadows your sheep roam

Recovering Series 1

(crying terribly as i type this... my towel now ended up becoming my tissue)
my cries are heart-wrenching but soundless... all i can hear is my difficult breathing...
i dun noe how it ended up like this... i didnt mean to cry... but terry made me... his msg made me break down.. but how i do treasure him...

better now... more calm... and so i can let some of my heart out...
thank you my friends and my relatives.... you guys are so nice to me...
Ann gal....i can never say "i love you" more than necessary... you know that. (choke)
Xueli Jie... i APPRECIATE it!
Ron... Thanks for calling... you really made me smile and gave me hope
Yuan Hwa... What can i say? I have made you my friend since i know you (crying already)
Wax... thanks for booking me early... it was sweet of you. really.
Norman and Sean.... you guys are the world's best colleagues.... and friends too.
Tian... big hug back! and thanks for you know wat..
Tyu... tight tight hug!
M.X... thanks...
Clara... oh gal... yes i want to meet you too (crying again)
Jes... for believing in my strength... sheesh... why dun you cut me some slack!
Terry... for making me cry... you deserve it - my everlasting friendship (can be a little too much to handle by the way)

i know all of you feel for me...feel my sadness... and guess at my pain... but dont worry.. you know me... i will survive... i will not let myself be victimize too much... i know im naive... and easily fooled but i am strong too. it may take a couple of days... maybe longer... but as long as i am in all your arms, i know i can keep moving forward.

God? i know i seldom ask... but im asking now... will you hold my hand and lend me your shoulder?

it WAS something good

So this is the official... we broke up...

So...thank you for the good memories... pity about the more beautiful ones to come though.
I am still in shock (that explain the nice words)...

The reason for the breakup was because i am no longer someone special in his heart(roughly translate to i share the place with another gal). Seems like a good reason to break up right? (Everybody say "Yes".)

yup... drained...i think i answered most of you guys' curiosity? the flu medi is kicking in... will zonk out in a few minutes... and i know i will wake up tomorrow dis-oriented but that will be a few days max... and after that... i will be pretty ok... (wait... i mean pretty damn fine!)

So, im sure am looking forward to a happy lunar new year... i mean why not? Life has always been beautiful to me... and it will continue to be so... because I make life beautiful for me.

And you should too.

p.s.: Sisters.... it time to gather round and have some sister time!!!