the kind of illness medicine cant cure... i wish i was the old me... the me that break down easily... that cry my heart out and over useless bums like the number of useless bums out there.
i dreamt a horid dream last night... of tears and heartache, of rejection and fear... of loneliness and anger... and when i woke up, i realised it wasnt a dream.... my eyes were swollen, my heart heavy, and i was still alone... (for some things, waking up is not enough... you have to move on.)
luckily... there were friends, friends who come when i call... friends who just share my time and my space... my heartbeat and my silence.
i have to be brave, braver then him... to make the decision i know is coming.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
randomly selected posts from my hp's note function 2
22 Nov - my weather. my roof shoulders the abuse of rain, the lashes by the clouded sky, the verbal profanity of the gods. While the gashes of the brittle wind cause my window to be hurling by its hinge. stepped out, i saw blue skies, dry pavements and happy streeters. none of whom saw my weather.
25 Oct-
i noticed.
he sings like a book,
harmonize and sway
as if string and wired to the mixer
like a professional,
he sings for his food.
25 Oct-
i noticed.
he sings like a book,
harmonize and sway
as if string and wired to the mixer
like a professional,
he sings for his food.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Troubles
One. they happen
two. they happen all at once and/or one after another
three. they happen to me
four. FREQUENTLY
honestly... now.. even my relationship crisis seems like a small problem...
Ann gal... thanks for meeting me at Suntec... Ron, if you see this... you missed out big time man!
Jeslyn... have a safe journey to Taiwan!!! have fun and im so jealous...(will tell u all about my relationship problem when you are back.... most prob will have a big change.... haiz)
So... this is life huh....
two. they happen all at once and/or one after another
three. they happen to me
four. FREQUENTLY
honestly... now.. even my relationship crisis seems like a small problem...
Ann gal... thanks for meeting me at Suntec... Ron, if you see this... you missed out big time man!
Jeslyn... have a safe journey to Taiwan!!! have fun and im so jealous...(will tell u all about my relationship problem when you are back.... most prob will have a big change.... haiz)
So... this is life huh....
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
He will be ( a super sweet post)
His band performance... i am so glad to catch it... because it was so great.. He was so great... (he still is)... and he will be better when he is older...that is something to look fwd to... isnt that great? :)
I am so happy to see him happy... to see him enjoying himself... despite that i actually arrived at SIS Big Steps for Starry Starry Nite 09 pissed. He most likely did not / have forgotten about this. Tired and hungry.. and weather suck.... not in the best of form i guess.. dinner was half a bag of chocolates.. and even tat dint help.
BUT, he did some things RIGHT.... (i better list them to better illustrate how many things he did right)
He came to fetch me even though he was supposed to be taking a break..
found me a place among his frens so tat i wont be too lonely...
make quite a long trip to keep my shoulder bag...
came back and join me... when he could choose not to
Brought water for me...
sat with me despite that it was making his back ache...
HE PERFORM FOR ME (of cos.... he performed for every1 else too)
he allow me to take time to fill my stomach despite his exam tmr morning
held me as i sleep in the taxi (he slept too but that is fine)
sent me home first
But the most wonderful thing... is the way he looks at me from the stage, and how he held my view, smiled for me... and dedicate "I'll be greatest fan of your life" to me with the raise of his arms and the assuring smile... i wonder if he still remembers that he is on one of my fav smile list...
I guess i have to write this out because i do not want to forget today... in a time where strife and conflict is so common... i can only try to hold on and rem the good in life. (no photos bec i have no camera... plus dun think i will have hands to hold it... my hands still tingle due to all the crazy clapping and my voice still weak due to the mad screams...)
But overall.... i feel like im falling in love again to him.... now... its all depends on whether he will fall in love with me again....
I am so happy to see him happy... to see him enjoying himself... despite that i actually arrived at SIS Big Steps for Starry Starry Nite 09 pissed. He most likely did not / have forgotten about this. Tired and hungry.. and weather suck.... not in the best of form i guess.. dinner was half a bag of chocolates.. and even tat dint help.
BUT, he did some things RIGHT.... (i better list them to better illustrate how many things he did right)
He came to fetch me even though he was supposed to be taking a break..
found me a place among his frens so tat i wont be too lonely...
make quite a long trip to keep my shoulder bag...
came back and join me... when he could choose not to
Brought water for me...
sat with me despite that it was making his back ache...
HE PERFORM FOR ME (of cos.... he performed for every1 else too)
he allow me to take time to fill my stomach despite his exam tmr morning
held me as i sleep in the taxi (he slept too but that is fine)
sent me home first
But the most wonderful thing... is the way he looks at me from the stage, and how he held my view, smiled for me... and dedicate "I'll be greatest fan of your life" to me with the raise of his arms and the assuring smile... i wonder if he still remembers that he is on one of my fav smile list...
I guess i have to write this out because i do not want to forget today... in a time where strife and conflict is so common... i can only try to hold on and rem the good in life. (no photos bec i have no camera... plus dun think i will have hands to hold it... my hands still tingle due to all the crazy clapping and my voice still weak due to the mad screams...)
But overall.... i feel like im falling in love again to him.... now... its all depends on whether he will fall in love with me again....
Sunday, November 9, 2008
dreaming of china and meeting friends
i dreamt of china... or, to be more specific.. i was walking down a street in China...
maybe because i had sichuan steamboat that dinner... hee....
it was dinner for 2... me and Yi hui.... i would say it is not bad.. but of cos, the one in china was bigger, better and cheaper... like duh.. but im quite amazed to find that the soup is around the same as in GZ...
also, i met 2 friends that i have not seen for some time.. and they were amazed that i was backed... hahaha.... hello? but i have been back since Sept.... but still,,,, im so happy to see ya!!!!!
Tam Xinyi and Ivan Tan Yao Ming!!!! :) feel so lucky... haha
moreover... i just found 2 friends on Facebook... Ivy tan!!!! and Fang Yin!!! my god.... so my primary school friends are still alive! haha... miss ya man!
maybe because i had sichuan steamboat that dinner... hee....
it was dinner for 2... me and Yi hui.... i would say it is not bad.. but of cos, the one in china was bigger, better and cheaper... like duh.. but im quite amazed to find that the soup is around the same as in GZ...
also, i met 2 friends that i have not seen for some time.. and they were amazed that i was backed... hahaha.... hello? but i have been back since Sept.... but still,,,, im so happy to see ya!!!!!
Tam Xinyi and Ivan Tan Yao Ming!!!! :) feel so lucky... haha
moreover... i just found 2 friends on Facebook... Ivy tan!!!! and Fang Yin!!! my god.... so my primary school friends are still alive! haha... miss ya man!
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