The naked baby

My dreams are a patchwork of snipped memories, random pieces of you and me, of good times and bad. And knitted to them are my hopes and fears, my possible futures.

And there is the naked baby I curled up in bed with, the peace and serenity of that moment where time is measured breaths. If only life is like that slow, measured and calming.

It is my fault for having gastric

To continue working despite my hunger... Gosh I'm so hungry now.
Feeling very bad, unwell, uncomfortable and just plain awful.

No revision and test on friday

Salary adjustment- thats what I end up doing when I reach home. Mom had me draft the letter for her company last night.

There goes my revision.

Walking home

I'm glad I live on the surface and not like people in district 13 - making living underground. I like living on the surface because I look up and finds a rich midnight purple blanket, sprinkled by stars.

You know the theory that god is man's projection of himself? Do you think it is like how we see shapes in clouds and made up constellations like Scorpio?

Think I will sleep early today. Maybe when I reach home, at 12am.

Bedtime thoughts

Stares blankly, not sure what to write. Half formed thoughts floating about my head.

Finished the Hunger Games Trilogy and felt that I should re-read again bec there seem to be many hidden messages and perspective or am I thinking too much.

In a climate where people are discussing about the innocences (or lack of) of a girl who sleeps around, public systems seem to be still struggling to serve the tax payers, safety of taking soft drugs and the Olympics 100 days away.. I find myself oscillating between the lows and highs of my life. And sometimes detached and looking on as if its someone else's life.

Not sure if i am making sense... Eyes closing, sandman beckons.

More on stars

Accompanied by stars when I make my way home. They are a gentle reminder that I am never alone when I needed reassurance. And man do I need reassurance some days.

Sometimes by moonlight, sometimes by starlight... And one day by tea-lights I will find the path to you...

Just let me lay down and gaze into the night field of stars. That will be something I will keep forever.

Guilty and upset too.

Made my maid cry because I was chatting in bed with a friend. At first, as she was smsing and talking on the phone I thought she received some dire news and was really concern so I ask her wat is wrong, but it is actually because I was disturbing her sleep.

I feel a little guilty... A little only bec she wakes up only slightly before me. And on average she sleeps longer than me because she is in bed at 10. While sometimes I only leave office by then.

And of cos, my mind balked at the idea that I have to leave my room for a conversation. I can't talk during work and it's only after hours that I can catch up with my friends when they call, of cos I will pick up even if I am preparing to sleep.

Am I too inconsiderate?

At the close of the day

At the close of the day, my world quiets down with only random va varooms to separate the silence, I switch on my iPod and drown myself in the words and melodies. And no matter how bad I feel I can slowly let loose of my own feelings and adsorb the feelings the composer/singer wants to convey.

If one day you faced something so bad you want to take your life, don't. Because life moves on with an alacrity one can't imagine, no matter how good or bad life is or has been. It keeps moving on.

Life is limited yet undeterminable. Time is forever on going. We are living in a dimension measured by time. It always seems that I have forever to live until I have none left. My very precious and exclusive life will one day be nothing. How long I live will always be relative and it will always diminish. So given a very long period of time, my life will mean nothing because it is such a small insignificant part of time.

So no matter what I do in my very important life, it will one day fade into nothing. Just like how my ashes will one day be nothing.

Homelessness

Have you ever been homeless? Fortunately mommy and daddy keep me in a shelter and lavish manor. But I don't know why in my dreams I can so clearly feel the feeling of homelessness when I have never experienced it.

The dream is so negative in so many ways that it gave a really bad aftertaste for the entire day. I really need to not think too much?

Lastly I just want to find peace...

My favorite things

Hug size teddy bears, ribbons everywhere. Flowers like lilies, tulips and sunflowers. Reading, reciting poetry, discussing philosophy, dreaming (good dreams pls).

doorways

i love to go thr arches, doorways, between pillars.. and everytime i do so... i hope and held my breath... that maybe i will be transported to somewhere magical.

i know it is foolish.. but.. some how i wish i am living another life.

Disturb and needy

Disturbed, in a disequilibrium i am seeking an anchor. Seeking shelter, a sanctuary, a personal Eden.

Where is my teddy bear? I need your understanding and tolerance, your generous hug and non-judgemental eyes.

Pancakes and hot coco did not calm my uneasiness. I think I need a bedtime chat with you tonight. And you to watch over me in my troubled sleep.